Cupcake Capers: Saito's Shinsengumi Chef Shenanigans
by Shell1331
Summary: Each officer of the Shinsengumi has learned ways to cope with their stress over the years. For Saitō Hajime, that outlet is baking. And the others have learned how to take advantage of this unconventional quirk of Saitō's. (New cover art by very-x-vice on Tumblr!)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** This story is a collaboration between Sabina-san and myself, borne out of a goofy headcanon idea we tossed around on tumblr. A lot of silliness and ogling of cupcakes later, we now present a stress-baking Saitō crackfic. Enjoy!

(Also, check out Sabina-san's other stories on here, or you can also find her on tumblr as sabinasanfanfic or as Sabinasan on AO3.)

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Throughout the Shinsengumi headquarters—now located at Nishi-Honganji Temple—the sweet smell of sugar, spices, and chocolate wafted through the air. Hijikata inhaled the scent so deeply his shoulders met his ears. His exhale spoke of the pleasure he was feeling at smelling something so delicious. Saitō was baking again. Hijikata couldn't wait to taste the confection Saitō had concocted this time, but he knew he would have to finish the letter he was working on first before he would allow himself that small reward.

Hijikata forced himself to continue to write his letter with care as sloppiness could not be tolerated from the vice commander of the Shinsengumi. The minutes ticked by at an agonizing pace, and Hijikata could feel his impatience growing with the thought of savoring a sugary, fluffy cupcake. While white cake with strawberry filling was his favorite by far, he couldn't help but be excited by the thought of having anything that Saitō was willing to bake, and today it smelled like a dark chocolate cake. He could also smell cinnamon, and Hijikata began to imagine a lush cinnamon buttercream frosting crowning a gorgeous pastry that was moist and soft. His brush moved up and down the washi paper at an increased speed as he unconsciously licked his lips.

 _Stop!_ he reprimanded himself as he paused in his writing. He looked down to see a description of the cupcake he had just been thinking about instead of a report on the recent swell in membership, and he made a low sound of disapproval in the back of his throat. He was frustrated that he had allowed his mind to wander so much to interfere with his work. As much as he loved Saitō's baking, it was so distracting to him. He sat for a few minutes, letting his mind clear of any thoughts of cupcakes before sighing in vain and setting his brush down on the desk. He supposed he should take a break from the letter writing. A part of Hijikata hated this idea as it was shirking his duty, but he also knew he wouldn't be able to complete his task until he had savored a cupcake.

Hijikata rose from his desk and vacated his room as quickly as dignity would allow. After all, he couldn't let anyone know that the demon vice commander was in need of a cupcake. No one would take him seriously anymore! He walked along the engawa, continuing to think on Saitō's baking skills and wondering where in the world the young man had learned how to create such amazing treats for everyone to enjoy. As he traveled toward the kitchen, a gust of wind rushed by him, and with it came the acrid scent of burning sugar. His steps quickened, his mind now reeling with the thought that the treat he'd been looking forward to was ruined.

Hijikata approached the courtyard, curious as to why Nagakura, Harada, and Tōdō were standing there appearing to be doing nothing. He was about to berate them for their laziness when Tōdō stepped to his right and revealed Saitō and Souji sparring. Hijikata paused, watching two of his captains run at each other. He enjoyed a spar between the first and third division captains, for they were arguably the best fighters among the Shinsengumi. He knew Souji liked to practice with Saitō because he hadn't beat him yet. The rivalry made Hijikata smile because he knew it was all one-sided. Saitō held no such envy for Souji.

 _Souji is such a twerp,_ Hijikata thought with exasperation and a bit of fondness. His eyes then caught a quick movement from Saitō that knocked Souji backwards, which made Hijikata's amusement trickle away to be replaced with concern. He witnessed another quick strike come from Saitō that caught Souji slightly off guard.

"I didn't realize you cared so much," Souji called out sarcastically, though Hijikata detected the slight note of burgeoning panic coming from the young swordsman.

Saitō merely responded by drawing his wakizashi to block a swing from Souji, swinging his katana towards his opponent's neck and stopping short of making contact. Hijikata was now alarmed. No matter how many times they dueled, Saitō had never drawn his wakizashi. This was a serious matter. Souji seemed to notice this as well, and he pulled away from Saitō, sheathing his katana.

"Ara, ara," Souji said with a smirk. "There's no besting you, Hajime-kun."

Saitō lowered his swords. With a swipe downwards, he sheathed both swords one at a time. Souji brushed past Hijikata, his arms folded as if the outcome of the duel didn't matter, though everyone present knew that it stung Souji's pride to lose once again to Saitō. While Hijikata did notice the defensive stance, he also sensed a sort of wariness emanating from Souji—as if he knew that he did something wrong and that he wouldn't escape everyone's wrath so easily. Hijikata could also sense that Saitō was perturbed. He could see it in Saitō's eyes. While most people would be oblivious to Saitō's feelings the majority of the time, the strong waves of annoyance rolling from him were quite obvious. A quick glance around the courtyard informed Hijikata that _everyone_ was aware that Saitō was pissed off.

"What happened?" Hijikata asked, his tone just short of a demand.

Saitō's gaze was intense and cold. "He touched my oven."

In that instant, Hijikata knew that the cupcakes he had been looking forward to were no more, and the disappointment was soul crushing. Meanwhile, Shinpachi, Heisuke, and Sanosuke let out a string of dismayed exclamations at Souji's carelessness. Souji just laughed nervously with that customary smirk, which drew Hijikata's ire and everyone else's attention.

"It's not like they were _all_ burned…" Souji said as a weak defense.

"But there wasn't enough for everyone to have some!" Heisuke exclaimed.

Hijikata frowned. "And how do you know this?" He crossed his arms and shot Heisuke a glance that said _I know exactly how you know, and I'm looking to see if you're going to confess._

Heisuke let out a nervous chuckle. "Well…I ate two of them."

"What?!" Sano cried out. "Heisuke!"

Hijikata closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself. He was quickly losing control of his temper, and he knew it was silly of him to get so worked up over cupcakes. At the same time, he knew he had missed out on something truly spectacular because Saitō was a baking genius. He was convinced that Saitō was probably a pastry chef in another life, but that wasn't important right now. There was one detail that Hijikata was dying to know. He opened his eyes once more and regarded his youngest captain with a calm, even stare.

"And would you mind describing what Saitō had prepared for everyone today?"

Heisuke's eyes roved around the group as if he was afraid to answer the question. Though, it was also clear that Heisuke knew that if he didn't answer, he would be in more trouble.

"Don't leave out any details!" Shinpachi demanded.

"Right. Well…uh…the cake was dark chocolate, and the cake itself wasn't too dense. It was the perfect balance of airy substance."

Hijikata had suspected as much. Chocolate wasn't his favorite, but he would've enjoyed it nonetheless. He began to salivate just thinking about how great the cake must have tasted.

Heisuke continued on with his description, "The center was white chocolate and so smooth and the white chocolate tempered the bitterness of the dark chocolate. You did really well, Hajime-kun!" Saitō briefly nodded in thanks for the compliment. "Um…the frosting was light, fluffy, the right amount of sweet…Hajime-kun had dyed the frosting purple. It was swirled so nicely on top of the cake! And there were blue, aqua, pink, and purple sprinkles." A blissful sigh. "It was so good, Hajime-kun!"

Everyone's attention went from Heisuke over to Souji, because everyone knew it was Souji's fault for destroying what Saitō had created for the Shinsengumi. Souji stood his ground with an unflinching stance, but Hijikata knew Souji was all bravado. He was clearly feeling guilty for whatever had transpired in the kitchen. Souji was about to open his mouth to protest something, but Saitō stepped in.

"It is my fault. I should have been watching the oven more closely to be sure it would not be tampered with. I will bear the responsibility for this failure."

Hijikata covertly eyed Souji, who looked stricken that Saitō would offer to take the blame for his mistake. The surprise was short-lived as Souji quickly covered his dismay with his typical smiling defense. Souji knew he owed Saitō for shouldering the responsibility. Hijikata sighed, his disappointment ebbing away. It was much too draining to continue to be upset over a baked good.

"What an unfortunate circumstance," Hijikata stated. "It can't be helped. I don't have time to continue dwelling on cupcakes that won't be." He turned his attention to his third division captain. "I want you to prepare the evening's meal for Itou's men."

"Understood, Vice Commander," Saitō replied with a quick bow.

Hijikata nodded as a way to end the whole scene, and the captains watched their vice commander walk away. Shinpachi, Heisuke, and Sanosuke were about to sigh with the relief of some of the tension when Hijikata's voice floated back to them.

"You all better find something to do, or I will do so for you!"

"Hai!" the chorus responded.

"He's upset," Heisuke observed of Hijikata.

"Well, you know Hijikata-san," Souji offered as his eyes continued to follow Hijikata's progress out of the courtyard.

"Hai," Saitō cut in, "which means we should all be following his orders."

With that, Saitō took his leave. The remaining captains observed his exit before exchanging glances among each other. Though no one wanted to say so out loud, it was clear that Hijikata had wanted to have cupcakes just as much as everyone else. They understood that desire, and Shinpachi and Sanosuke especially were feeling a hint of jealousy towards Heisuke for being able to eat some of Saitō's treat. Heisuke was craving more cupcakes, and at the same time, fearing what Hijikata's foul mood would mean for the captains.

After a few moments of silence, Heisuke let out a curse. "Shit! We have to do something to get Hajime-kun to bake again!"

"How?" Shinpachi's voice was a whine.

"Obviously, Hajime-kun only bakes when he's stressed," Souji offered with a mischievous grin. "You need to stress him out."

Shinpachi, Heisuke, and Sanosuke exchanged looks with raised eyebrows. Souji's statement was correct, but they had no idea how they were going to achieve making the normally calm and collected bushi lose his cool enough to bake once more. Souji watched the three of them brainstorm in silence, laughing to himself. He had clearly stumped them, and it was amusing to see them expending so much energy trying to think of things to do to Saitō. He snickered out loud and turned away, resting a hand on the hilt of his katana.

"All you have to do is toy with his swords. You know…dirty them or something."

"Are you serious, Souji?" Heisuke exclaimed with a vein of terror in his voice. "Do you know what you're suggesting?"

"Saitō would kill us!" Sanosuke added, panic clear in his voice.

Souji began to walk away while chuckling. "Well then…I leave the planning up to you. I can't wait to see what you three come up with."

A week or so later, a small group consisting of Hijikata, Yamazaki, and Shimada gathered in Hijikata's quarters. Evening had given way to dark night, and lanterns had been lit to provide them with light in order to conduct their business. Hijikata sat at his desk while Yamazaki and Shimada sat in formal seiza in order to give their report to their commanding officer.

"As you are aware, Itou-san has been attempting to recruit your captains. It appears he has thoroughly convinced Tōdō-san," Yamazaki reported.

"Tch," Hijikata's verbalization was annoyed. "I was afraid of that." He continued to write, the quick strokes of his brush the only indication of his agitation.

"I would say that while Tōdō-kun is set on leaving with Itou, he is quite conflicted," Shimada added. "I overheard him talking to Yukimura earlier today about it."

Hijikata gave a short nod and said quietly, "I can't fault him for wanting to discover his truth." A pause. "When do you think Itou is going to leave?"

"I believe he is looking for something to happen to make a clean break. I imagine he knows that if he just leaves without reason, he opens himself up to possible assassination for dishonoring the Shinsengumi," Shimada concluded.

 _I wish he would… I would like to drive a sword through that bastard_ , Hijikata thought. "Is that all?"

An uncomfortable silence descended for a beat. "Well," Yamazaki began, sounding puzzled. "There has been something going on with Harada-san, Tōdō-san, and Nagakura-san for several days."

"Oh?" Hijikata questioned.

"As you know, the three of them are inseparable. They tend to get into all sorts of trouble, but lately…they are really tempting fate by…focusing their endless energies towards Saitō-san."

Hijikata briefly paused in his writing, a knowing smile on his lips that he quickly stifled. "Tempting fate? I can't imagine what those idiots were up to…"

Yamazaki didn't know how to respond to Hijikata's use of the word _baka_ as a term of endearment. He was unsure how to proceed and took a moment to think through his next sentences before presenting them.

"I…I can't guarantee the three of them are responsible for everything abnormal going on, but…" Yamazaki hesitated, clearly ill at ease with what he was reporting.

Shimada spoke up. "Let's just tell Hijikata-fukuchō what we observed and heard, and see what conclusion he draws."

Yamazaki nodded. "First, it seems that earlier this week, a small snake was found in Saitō-san's room. Harada-san expressed concern about it being venomous, but Saitō-san said it was merely a baby rat snake and removed it calmly."

The corner of Hijikata's mouth twitched in an effort to keep a smile hidden.

"Then, another morning when Saitō-san returned from a night patrol, Tōdō was frantic, claiming the temple was haunted by yōkai or kitsune because something invisible was rearranging the furniture," Shimada said. "Saitō just shrugged it off, and then I heard him moving things around in his room."

Hijikata sighed and shook his head. "Kitsune? Really…that's the best they could do?"

Yamazaki's eyes widened. "Sir?"

Hijikata cleared his throat, realizing he had spoken his thought out loud. "Nothing. Anything else?"

"Yesterday, I spotted Saitō-san in town purchasing a new white scarf. It seems somehow indigo dye found its way into his laundry water when he was washing the day before, yet not into anyone else's. I believe Tōdō-san may have distracted Saitō-san so Nagakura-san could put it in the water," Yamazaki said. "Also, this morning, I overheard them talk of doing something to Saitō-san's swords, but that idea was quickly abandoned. For good reason, I would imagine."

Hijikata snorted with laughter. "Even I wouldn't dream of doing something that stupid."

"I heard them tell Saitō-kun that the swords the rest of the troops were using were not being kept well. He tried to hide it, but I could tell Saitō-kun was very disturbed by this news. An hour later, he was cleaning every single sword while lecturing the troops," Shimada reported.

Yamazaki smiled. "I think he frightened some of them."

Hijikata nodded. It wasn't out of character for Saitō to become involved in everyone's care of the most important tools they had with them—their katanas and wakizashis. He thought it a great dishonor to the blades to care for them so poorly. Still, the thought of Saitō single-handedly going to every member of the Shinsengumi and lecturing on the proper care of their blades must have been quite taxing…and stressful. Not to mention the fact that Hijikata had assigned him the dubious honor of cooking for Itou and his men. It all had apparently been enough to tip Saitō over the edge because after supper that evening, everyone had been treated to lovely cupcakes. Hijikata sighed as he thought back on his own white cake with strawberry filling when a piercing scream cut through the air.

"What was that?" Shimada whispered.

Hijikata threw his brush carelessly on his desk, splattering some of the black ink on his report and the desktop. He grabbed his katana standing against the fusuma as he stood, shoving the sword as quickly as he could into his obi. He knew who was screaming, and he was immediately alert. "Chizuru!"

No one seemed to notice the familiar use of her name as they were too busy scrambling to her quarters. Upon arrival, the shoji was found wide open, and the unmistakable growl of a rasetsu was heard. Hijikata drew his blade as he entered the room, taking note of everything. The rest of the captains arrived behind him as his eyes landed on Chizuru cowering against the back wall of her room with the rasetsu hovering over her. A hand was covering an obvious wound on her arm, and that wound infuriated Hijikata.

"Chizuru!" he cried as he ran to push the man out of his way, placing himself between her and the creature. "Stand back!"

Harada came into the room followed by Saitō. The rasetsu lunged towards them, and Hijikata grabbed Chizuru, dodging the creature's grasp. Saitō and Harada dispatched the creature, while Hijikata kept the young woman safe in his arms. He could feel her trembling with fear, and he knew that keeping her wrapped in his arms would be best for her right now, even if it was a little unseemly for them to be standing so close. Once they were sure he was dead, Chizuru stepped away from Hijikata.

"What the hell happened?"

When someone asked that very question aloud, a voice spoke from behind them. "Moushiwake arimasen. My carelessness is to blame."

They turned around, surprised, to see Sannan, his eyes hard and his mouth set in a grimace. It appeared an explanation was going to be given; however, it was interrupted by the untimely arrival of Itou-san. Once they had dealt with Itou and his histrionics upon discovering that "S-S-S-Sannan-san" was still alive—never mind the dead rasetsu in Chizuru's room—as well as Sannan's little episode over Chizuru's blood, something caught Hijikata's attention. He narrowed his eyes at the commander of the Fury Corps. The man was no longer disoriented following his brief rasetsu transformation, but his face was pale and shone slightly with perspiration. However, that was not what had drawn Hijikata's eye. He needed a word with Sannan. Alone.

Hijikata interrupted the others' discussion. "We can talk about this later. First, this mess needs to be cleaned up, and someone, take care of that body."

Harada nodded. "That tatami has to go."

Shinpachi frowned as he looked around the room. "The shoji is gonna need replacing, too."

As everyone started handling the tasks at hand, Hijikata turned to face Chizuru. "You're injured and you need rest. Obviously you can't stay in here. You can stay in my room tonight."

Chizuru's eyes widened, and she looked like she was about to question his decision. He cut her off with a gesture and said firmly, "Go."

He could tell she had little desire to remain in the grisly, blood-covered room as she hastily scurried out. When the last of the captains began returning to their rooms, Hijikata gripped Sannan's shoulder tightly with his hand.

"Sannan-san. A word." He paused, considering the lingering metallic scent of blood in the room despite it having been cleaned. "Better talk in the common room."

Sannan's face remained impassive as they walked to the common room. Once inside, Hijikata regarded his friend.

"So. Want to tell me why that rasetsu go loose tonight? Got anything to do with those crumbs?" Hijikata looked pointedly at the near-invisible crumbs lightly dotting Sannan's hunter-green kimono.

Sannan averted his gaze, and a faint trace of color pinked high on his cheeks. Most people would have missed it, but Hijikata knew him well enough to spot his embarrassment.

"Well? Spit it out." Hijikata's lips twisted in a frown and his brows furrowed. His patience was running thin.

Sannan sighed deeply. "I apologize, Hijikata-kun. This situation is…less than desirable, and I take full responsibility. I…" His voice trailed off, and he appeared to be trying to decide how to phrase whatever came next.

Hijikata said nothing, the silence stagnant and uncomfortable between them.

Sannan began again. "I heard that Saitō-kun had been baking again…and I may have indulged in a certain dark chocolate cupcake left neglected in the kitchen. Unfortunately, that also left the rasetsu unattended, and I was remiss in my duties to keep them contained. I will subject myself to whatever unpleasantness you and Kondō-san see fit as punishment."

Anger trickled out of Hijikata like water in a sieve. What further punishment could he heap on the man? It wasn't as if seppuku would be effective now. Not only that, but he was certain that Sannan was suffering much more than he let on now that he was a rasetsu. Besides, Sannan was like a brother to him. He cursed under his breath.

"Oh hell, Sannan-san, it was bound to happen at some point. Can't say I like Itou knowing about it, but I suppose it works in our favor." Hijikata rubbed at the bridge of his nose tiredly, and then continued. "That weaselly bastard has been planning to split up the Shinsengumi anyway. This just speeds the process up a little bit and gets the idiot out of here sooner."

Behind his glasses, Sannan's eyes narrowed slightly, and he curved his lips in a sly smile. "You're planning something, aren't you?"

"Could be," Hijikata said vaguely. Then, with a tone not quite imperceptibly petulant, "Oi. Sannan-san. At least tell me how good the damned cupcake was!"

Sannan smirked. "Oh my, Hijikata-kun, extremely so. It was superb…a devil's food cake with tart cherry filling and a dark chocolate ganache. I'm quite happy becoming a rasetsu did not impair my ability to enjoy good food."

Hijikata glared at him. "Temeeee…Now you're just trying to annoy me. I'm going to bed." He rolled his eyes at Sannan and stalked out of the common room, clearly jealous of Sannan's indulgence despite all that had happened that night.

The next morning, a tense meeting took place between Kondō, Hijikata, and Itou. The Shinsengumi were at a crossroads, and the forbidding atmosphere was felt all over the compound. By the end of the meeting, it was agreed that Itou and his men would split from the main Shinsengumi forces and become Guardians of the Imperial Tomb. Joining Itou was Tōdō Heisuke and Saitō Hajime. The departure of the two captains was a devastating loss to the entirety of the troop, but none felt it as keenly as Hijikata. As he settled in his chamber to write haiku as a way to vent his frustration, he realized that, through his political maneuvering, he had deprived himself of his much-beloved cupcakes. All he could do was hope that his gamble paid off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** Part two of our two-shot collab, stress-baking Saitō crackfic. Enjoy!

(As noted before, check out my partner in crime, Sabina-san. You can also find her on tumblr as sabinasanfanfic or as Sabinasan on AO3.)

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"I leave this task up to you, Yamazaki-kun. Hopefully you will not encounter any difficulty."

Yamazaki slipped through the shadows, taking care to balance the parcel while still remaining inconspicuous. His eyes remained on a few of Itou's men walking through the area, hoping they wouldn't notice slight movement in the darkness. As he made a clean break from the compound, Yamazaki breathed a sigh of relief. That had been too close, though thankfully he had not been caught by any Guardians of the Imperial Tomb.

Returning swiftly to Nishi-Honganji temple, he headed directly for Hijikata's room. Though well past sundown, he had no doubt the vice commander would still be working.

"Fukuchō? I have something—" Before he could finish, Hijikata interrupted, ordering him inside.

Saitō heaved a sigh of relief and wiped crumbs into the trash as Heisuke popped into the kitchen.

"Hey! Hajime-kun! What're you…" Heisuke trailed off, and his teal-colored eyes widened. "Whoa, are those cupcakes? Yoshi!"

Without waiting for Saitō's response, Heisuke snatched one of the frosting-laden confections, this one dark chocolate and strawberry, shoving nearly the whole thing in his mouth.

Saitō closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, before opening his eyes and shaking his head in amused exasperation. "Heisuke. Not only is it inadvisable to eat an entire cupcake in one bite, but it also is hardly complimentary to the cook."

"Mmm… Sorry, 'ime-kun, is jus' so delicious…mmmm." Heisuke attempted to chew and apologize simultaneously, mostly succeeding in getting crumbs everywhere.

While Saitō had told Heisuke that cramming whole baked goods wasn't high praise to the cook, he couldn't deny the wave of self-satisfied accomplishment that washed over him as he watched Heisuke devour the remaining half, followed by a second cupcake. It was a feeling he hadn't experienced since joining Itou's faction. When Heisuke's eyes rolled back into his head, and he gave a long contented sigh while licking creamy frosting off his fingers, Saitō's lips twitched in a brief smile, and the happiness he felt was genuine. If short lived…

"Ne, Hajime-kun? Where's the rest of 'em? Usually you make a couple dozen, but there's only six or seven here. Uh, or there were till I ate two of them." He laughed sheepishly.

Saitō flicked his eyes to the trashcan. "Unfortunately, this oven does not cook evenly, and several of the others were burned. It was inconvenient, but I had to throw most of them away." He picked up the trash and moved toward the door. "If you'll excuse me."

He hurried out the door before Heisuke could get the opportunity to look at the trash, for he surely would've noticed a distinct lack of burned cupcakes inside. Upon returning to the kitchen, Saitō found just one lonesome cupcake remaining, a simple yet elegant white cake with white buttercream frosting. Apparently, Heisuke had made off with the other four and vanished, likely to eat himself into a sugar-induced coma.

 _Just as well,_ Saitō thought. Though his stress level had sky-rocketed when he'd undertaken the espionage mission, he couldn't bring himself to bake for Itou and his men. Somehow it felt like betrayal…as though his culinary skills were for those of the Shinsengumi alone. Even now, after furtively baking a few favorites before Yamazaki's arrival, the guilt weighed heavily on him, his conscience berating him for using a foreign oven, a traitor's kitchen.

He sighed. _I've no other choice._ A sensation of dread coiled in his stomach. _No more baking until I return to the Shinsengumi for good._

Hijikata read Saitō's note and promptly held it over a candle till nothing but ash remained.

As it burned, Yamazaki cleared his throat. "Fukuchō, my report…"

"To hell with your report! Is that what I think it is?" Hijikata gestured to the package Yamazaki still held.

Their fearsome vice commander had sent many men to die in battle, had ordered men to commit seppuku or become rasetsu. Yet here he was, trying as he might to hide it, looking akin to a child given a wrapped gift, his violet eyes sparkling with hopeful curiosity. Yamazaki coughed, stifling a laugh. He knew Hijikata had a weakness for any of Saitō's baking, but _especially_ his cupcakes. Yamazaki couldn't contain it any further. He grinned widely.

"Hai, fukuchō. There're ten of Saitō-san's cupcakes… It would appear he sent one for each of us."

Hijikata's trademark frown relaxed, and he licked his lips unconsciously. Again, Yamazaki choked back the urge to laugh. Saitō's cupcakes were a definite Achilles' heel for the oni no fukuchō. _Thank the gods Saitō-san isn't actually the enemy._ He imagined a special corps, armed with Saitō's cupcakes. _We'd be screwed._ With his free hand, Yamazaki massaged his temples. _Damnit, I sound like Souji… I need more sleep._

Yamazaki set the package on Hijikata's desk, taking care not to disrupt any of the papers scattered across it. It wouldn't do to destroy the good mood Saitō's cupcakes instilled in him. Hijikata lifted the lid, revealing the frosted ambrosia within. He and Yamazaki both inhaled deeply, enjoying the smell of warm, freshly made cake and rich, sugary icing.

Yamazaki knew what Hijikata would claim—one of the pink-topped white cupcakes with a luscious strawberry filling. He also knew Souji would kill someone over the pumpkin-spice cake with its silky cream cheese frosting, and Sanosuke would also go for cream cheese frosting, but preferred his layered atop a scrumptious red velvet treat. Chizuru, like Hijikata, favored the light fruitiness of the strawberry-filled cupcake. Kondō and Gen-san were happy to savor whatever flavorful varieties Saitō dreamt up, though both agreed that anything involving caramel was blissful. Shinpachi, their resident garbage disposal, would eat whatever was available, much like Heisuke would have. Yamazaki sighed, but his wayward thoughts were interrupted.

"Yamazaki. Go get Kondō-san, Chizuru, and the captains, and then take that pumpkin one to Souji," Hijikata said, carefully lifting the aforementioned golden-brown cake and handing it to Yamazaki.

"I'll take care of it," Yamazaki said promptly.

"Oh, and Yamazaki? Let's just say you made them, since we can hardly have them knowing about Saitō's mission. Clear?" Hijikata's tone brooked no argument, not that Yamazaki would have anyway.

He swallowed uncomfortably, nodded, and then left Hijikata's room soundlessly and disappeared into the night. After sending the requested parties to Hijikata's room, Yamazaki quietly slid the door open to Souji's room. It was dark, lit primarily by the dim moonlight, but he was accustomed to seeing in the dark. One could hardly be an effective shinobi without adapting to darkness, after all. He had no intention of engaging with Souji, hoping simply to set the fragrant cupcake on his desk and leave. However…

"You're slipping, Yamazaki-kun, if you didn't notice that I was awake."

The room brightened fractionally, and Yamazaki turned to see Souji sitting up, the paper lantern near him hinged open to allow for more light.

Irritated at both being discovered and having to actually interact with one of his least favorite people, Yamazaki frowned and thrust the confection at Souji. "Here. I, uh, made some…" Mentally, he cursed Hijikata. _Why couldn't he have just laid the blame on Chizuru? Kondō-san already thinks that's who makes them…_

"Ohhhh?" Souji arched an eyebrow at Yamazaki, clearly skeptical. "What a good little protégé you are. I'm sure Hajime-kun would be proud."

Souji took a delicate bite of the cupcake, careful not to waste a single morsel. Yamazaki edged toward the door, hoping to escape further conversation while Souji chewed.

"Ne, Yamazaki-kun?"

 _Damnit!_ He didn't bother turning around, just waited for whatever snide comment Souji had.

"It's surprisingly good, the pumpkin and spice flavors balanced well. And the candied lemon peel sprinkled on the cream cheese frosting was a nice touch."

At the compliment, Yamazaki's mouth fell open, and he whirled around to regard the young captain. He felt guilty, taking credit for Saitō's work, but he was positively shocked that Souji would be so…nice.

"Ah…arigatō, Okita-san."

Souji's feverishly bright green eyes narrowed into slits, and a feline grin spread across his face. "Except… There's not any candied lemon peel on top—it's candied ginger. Which you would have known if you'd made them."

Again, he cursed Hijikata and briefly contemplated making a vice commander effigy to drive spikes into. Souji was too perceptive for his own good sometimes.

"Oh, Okita-san, my apologies. I must've mistaken which one you referred to." Yamazaki schooled his features into a neutral expression, spun on his heel, and briskly walked away before Souji could interrogate him further.

In his room, Souji devoured what remained of the moist pumpkin-spice cupcake, savoring the hints of nutmeg and cinnamon and licking bits of sugary ginger mixed with frosting off of his fingertips.

Then, to no one in particular, he remarked, "Miss us, eh, Hajime-kun?" and gave a bark of laughter.

Yamazaki returned to Hijikata's room just in time to see Sanosuke smack Shinpachi upside the head. He was glad to have quit Souji's room, but now he wasn't so sure he wanted to stick around for the antics of two of the three bakatrio.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Shinpachi? Touch my cupcake again, and I'll give you a scar to match mine!" Sano snapped, though his tone held no heat.

Shinpachi laughed. "Maa, maa, Sano. Worth a try!" Then he eyed the lone cupcake on Hijikata's desk, a devil's food cake with dark chocolate frosting.

"Don't even think about it, Shinpachi," Hijikata warned. "That's for Sannan-san."

Sanosuke leaned towards his friend and whispered conspiratorially, "That's what Hijikata-san wants us to believe, but we all know he's going to eat it when we leave."

"Nani?" Hijikata's violet eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Ahh, Toshi, we appreciate you hosting us so late for this treat. And Chizuru-chan, thank you for baking them!" Kondō smiled sunnily at the girl, who looked both confused and worried.

"Anou…Kondō-san…" she began.

"Chizuru, go fix some tea," Hijikata cut her off, preventing any further discussion of who exactly made the cupcakes.

She nodded and spirited away to the fix their tea. Hijikata sighed and looked around the room to watch his fellow Shinsengumi enjoy their cupcakes. The joy in the room was infectious, and Hijikata smiled a little in relief. Things had been so tense since Heisuke and Saitō had left, and he was glad that this rift was seemingly forgotten for a short time. Unfortunately, the happiness was tempered by his knowledge that Itou was planning something big against them. He sighed and decided to dig into his own cupcake. As sweet cake gave way to a gush of tart filling, Hijikata decided then and there that Saitō needed to return as soon as possible. Going months without his cupcakes was pure torture, though Hijikata did miss Saitō's quiet loyalty and willingness to carry out the most difficult of Hijikata's orders.

Hijikata peered over at Kondō, who was joking with Harada and Nagakura. His booming laugh filled the room, and Hijikata's resolve was strengthened. This man would be protected at all costs. He nodded his head towards Yamazaki, who snuck across the room without anyone noticing. As Hijikata licked the last of the crumbs from his fingers, he leaned toward Yamazaki.

"Bring him home immediately."

"Hai, fukuchō."

A week later, Saitō returned to Nishi-Honganji Temple. He came without anyone noticing as Harada and Nagakura were out on patrol, and Kondō was completing his usual duties as commander. Saitō went to his chamber to set his swords down before making his way to Hijikata's room. When he arrived, he kneeled at the door and called out loud enough for Hijikata to hear but quiet enough to not have it resonate throughout the area.

"Excuse me."

"Come in," Hijikata replied.

Saitō opened the shoji and slid into the room. He bowed to Hijikata before he closed the shoji behind him. He noticed that Hijikata looked happy to see him, and this calmed some of the roiling emotions within Saitō.

"Welcome back, Saitō," Hijikata said warmly. He really had missed the third division captain, cupcakes notwithstanding.

"It is good to be back, fukuchō, even if the circumstances are dire," Saitō said quietly.

"Yes, well, without your efforts, we would not know what that snake was planning. Now we can make every effort to protect Kondō-san and finally be rid of that traitor asshole Itou." Hijikata's praise was laced with irritation, but it was directed at Itou, not Saitō.

A cough sounded from behind them, and they turned to see Souji leaning against the wall. "Get tired of your little spy mission, Hajime-kun?" Souji winked playfully, but Saitō could tell the man was not well. There were dark circles under his eyes, he was frightfully pale, and he'd clearly lost weight.

"Damnit, Souji! What the hell are you doing out of bed?" Hijikata said, glaring at the younger man.

Saitō could tell that under Hijikata's irritation was a sense of worry. And in his opinion, Hijikata had every right to be. Souji looked even worse than before, and he found himself wondering how long Souji would have to live. That thought was followed shortly by pity that Souji was being robbed of an honorable death through this insidious disease.

Saitō nodded in agreement. "Hijikata-san is right, Souji. You should rest."

Souji looked upset at Saitō for siding with Hijikata. "I rest enough as it is," Souji complained bitterly. Then he smirked, emerald eyes twinkling mischievously. "I had a feeling you would be back, Hajime-kun, so I took the liberty of cleaning your oven for you. In fact, why don't I go preheat it for you?"

Saitō clenched his jaw and frowned, hostility rolling off of him in palpable waves. "Souji…" he began, his voice a low growl.

"Souji, no!" Hijikata exclaimed, surprised the younger man would be so brazen in his weakened state.

Souji merely chuckled and scampered off, Saitō hot on his heels.

Without anyone to hear him, Hijikata said to himself, "Souji, yes!" and grinned, thinking of the cupcakes that Saitō would have to bake to relieve himself of this stressor.


End file.
